Gratitude: What To Do When There’s Nothing You Can Do

She was in her last days and we knew it.  Just four weeks earlier, the surgeon had come to talk with her about the situation.  Seventeen years with cancer, seven surgeries, and another tumor was spotted.  She was losing blood fast, and while transfusions were a temporary solution, the bigger picture couldn’t be ignored.

Gram was still hopeful and so were we, as the doctor came to discuss the two options.   Another surgery wasn’t one of them – she was too weak and hadn’t recovered from the last one just six months prior.  So, it was either do a procedure to check for the source of bleeding and a chance for repair, or do nothing.

Gram knew another procedure didn’t guarantee anything, and she knew that choosing the latter wasn’t going down without a fight.  It had been 17 years and while we were all hoping for 17 more…life had different plans.

My Gram chose to return home from the hospital and embrace the unknown.  Nobody knew how long she had, what would happen from day to day, or even hour to hour.  We watched her slowly but quickly fade away physically, but courageously and vibrantly shine on in her soul.  She had chosen to do nothing – no more surgeries and hospital stays, no more waiting for test results and doctor calls.  Doing nothing can look like giving up and giving in – but not in this case.  Not to Gram, and not to me.

Doing nothing actually became waiting, hoping, praying, and listening.  It became being present, thankful, and here today – right now.  It became love, share, remember, surrender, hold, say it, do it, and believe it.

Over the course of a month, Gram slept more, ate less, and became weaker to the point that she couldn’t do everything for herself.  My family pulled in and helped because that’s what she would’ve done for us.   One day, I was visiting and she was awake eating peaches.  They were one of her favorite foods, and became one of the few things she continued to eat.  I noticed she had finished the last bite out of the bowl, and I asked her if she wanted more.  She said yes, and I gladly filled her bowl up with another dose of peaches.

As I handed her the bowl, she softly said, “thank you,” and I swallowed back a lump in my throat.  Saying “yes” to peaches and “thank you” were only a few of the words she said that day, and her thanksgiving hit me hard.  In spite of illness, she shared gratitude worth ten times her weight in gold.

A few days later, my Pappy, mum, and uncle were sitting with her, and in the silence of the moment she said, “I am so blessed.”  I don’t know exactly what she was thinking, but I got a taste of what she was experiencing.  Pure peace.  Not tainted by pain, sadness, or loss.  Just pure peace in spite of it all.

There are times when we feel there is “nothing” more we can do.  Yet, doing nothing can actually be surrendering – believing in something bigger than ourselves, even when we think there’s nothing we can do.  Maybe that’s the whole point – it’s only when we come to the end of the rope that we’re willing to reach higher and receive what’s been waiting all along.

She was grateful and peaceful in spite of the circumstances, and that is a condition of the heart that only comes from surrender.  There is always something we can do, and there is always something to be grateful for – Gram taught me that.

Sometimes doing nothing is the hardest choice of all because it means you’re at the end of tangible resources and all that you can grasp with your hands.  But the Creator is always teaching through us and around us.

Notice, feel, and love.

Offer a prayer wrapped in love, that starts with thank you and ends with it too.